


My very own little Britney Breakdown

by musicjunkie



Category: Shin Sekai Yori | From the New World
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Mild Language, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:40:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24358960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicjunkie/pseuds/musicjunkie
Summary: Superstars are ordinary people. Sometimes they meet up in each other's flats, and amidst of a mental breakdown, they ask their on-and-off-again girlfriend to cut their hair... Or maybe it only happens in Saki's life.(quick one-shot, inspired from a Tumblr post I can't find anymore, that I wrote aaaaages ago in French, and revamped in English for your own good. Hope you'll enjoy it)
Relationships: Watanabe Saki/Akizuki Maria
Kudos: 4





	My very own little Britney Breakdown

Saki grabs her brush. She’s in the mood for a dramatic makeup look. She darkens her cut crease, applies shimmery eyeshadow underneath, then under her waterline. It’s quite a change from her delicate image, but she loves the result nonetheless. For her lips, she picks up a matte lipstick in a burgundy color. Oh, lovely. With her friends at home, she can allow herself to branch out of her comfort zone. Nice, it’s done. In her closet, a lovely glitter dress is waiting. A gift from Mamoru for her birthday. He’s a sweetheart, truly, sadly, his fashion taste is a nightmare. He’ll be happy to see her wearing it, though.

Now that she’s ready, she allows herself a smoke. If only her weed was of better quality… Her usual dealer has been missing for two weeks, which is truly a shame ‘cause there’s no good party at Saki’s without a good fat blunt. Becoming a celebrity requires to make changes in a daily routine. Since Saki has always been under the spotlights, there are some very ordinary actions she has never done, such as getting food ordered at home, since the restaurant has to know her address to deliver her pizza. They might later divulge it to the newspapers, and a plethora of paparazzi would sleep in the bushes of the ground floor every night in hopes to see her appear naked at her balcony. Nah, she won’t let that happen. Her designer nest, in the midst of the Ginza district, is a gem these days. Hell, she even has a wide living room, most Tokyoites could kill for one. This same living room where she’s hosting her friend gathering tonight.

Once in a month, the Star Factory kids flock to one of their respective homes. It rotates every time: in April, it was by Mamoru's; in May, it was at Shun’s. In spite of his tiny Bonsai home being far from being made for hosting parties, they spent a great time. Shun cooked an amazing sukiyaki, with beef he got from a friend in Kobe. Eating out in fancy restaurants nearly every day makes you forget how delicious these simple everyday meals, prepared with love, can be. Satoru had brought beer from a recent trip to Germany. They rarely had so much fun. Hence why Saki has to raise the bar again. She dressed in a western-style buffet in her living room. She got gazpacho, small beef yakitori, cheese, rice crackers, and watermelon cubes ready. Simple, healthy, fresh, perfect choice for early summer. She even put some cute lanterns at every corner of the room. Standing at the center of the credenza, the vinyl player is ready to be turned on. She just has to wait.

Unsurprisingly, Shun turns up first. The writer is known for his strict discipline. Since age thirteen, he wakes up at the same hour every day, does the same exercises every day, eats the same miso soup with rice for breakfast every morning, takes a shower on the same hour every day, well, to sum it up, he can be quite predictable. As he claims, it’s his only way to give himself guidance, a guidance that can help him redact better stories. He wears a vintage Armani three-piece with black suede loafers and a simple striped shirt. His favorite signet ring doesn’t leave his right middle finger. Shun has a simple taste in terms of clothing. The hostess can’t hide her surprise when she spots her friend dressed like that.

“Wow, Shun. Got yourself a new stylist?”

He’s kind of embarrassed, she can tell.

“Hm, I tried out something new... How do I look?”

“Different, I’d say. Not bad, that’s not what I meant, it’s just going to take me a little while to get used to.”

The writer takes off his shoes and disposes his gift on the free table. He got nashi pears, Saki’s favorites. He sits on the zabuton, rather than on the couch. There, the doorbell rings again.

“I bet it’s Satoru.”

The actor steps in a few minutes later. He has just dyed his hair brown, complementing nicely the golden undertones of his skin. Absolutely gorgeous. He has landed a role in a summer drama, where he would play a lifeguard in an Okinawan seaside resort. He’s been rarely so excited to play in a TV show, mostly because he can finally show off the effects of his daily gym routine. This makes his two good friends burst into laughter. He brings with him the film posters he bought during a trip to Paris two weeks ago. Saki’s walls are still as sad as when she moved in, she must find ways to brighten it up. Saki doesn’t know any single one of these classic french films, but still gets a spot ready for them. Her friend picks the right side of the couch, close to Shun.

“I won’t move from there, gah…” He seems exhausted. His teal blue suit looks awesome, though. Very casual. He quickly notices Shun’s wardrobe change. They were lovers for four years, until they turned twenty-one. Still, they remain close friends, and never miss an occasion to banter or jokingly fight. That’s what keeps them occupied until the final two, Maria and Mamoru, arrive. They came in by motorbike, chased by the paparazzi for a short section of their trip. They got rid of them at the intersection of the Shibuya crossroad, which they find hilarious. This little incident is the reason why they’re slightly late. By the time they walk in, it’s nearly nine o’clock. Ugh. Mamoru can’t hide his shame. The young artist has always had trouble at hiding his feelings. Thankfully, his friends, especially Saki, don’t take notice.

“I’ve bought some vinyls, Saki. Hope you’ll like them."

The red-haired beauty circled Saki, busy opening up a bottle of whiskey, with her arms.

“Wait a minute Mari… Let me just open this cr…” Before she even gets the cork popping, Maria has already planted a kiss on her neck. Hm, she’s naughty tonight.

Saki quite can’t remember when she and Maria became a thing. They’ve been living together since age twelve for the needs of their reality show. For four years, they even shared a room. She would give the redhead feedback on her new choreography, while the latter would help her write catchier tracks. At age sixteen, the channel decided it was time to give them a major debut. Maria’s edginess and dance-oriented tracks were complementary with Saki’s bubbly guitar ballads and girl-next-door style. Still, they were branded as rivals by their label. Truthfully, at that time, they could hardly be hating on each other. Although the production asked Maria to date Satoru, the only person she ever thought about was her roommate. Satoru was nothing more than her strange brother-in-heart. These days, the media were raging over Saki potentially dating Shun. Just another marketing stunt her label staged. It’s not like nothing has ever happened between them. Saki used to be in love with him, since her first day at the Star Factory. There was something outrageously attractive about his intellect and laid-back elegance. Sadly for her, he never returned her favors. His sexuality was kind of a mystery. He loved men, and men loved him alike. Even though he presents himself as a “raging bisexual”, he has, as far as his friends know, never gone out with a woman. Since breaking up with Satoru, he had quite a few boyfriends, but nothing really serious. Just enjoying life and casual sex within the Tokyo gay scene. Among the Star Factory kids, he’s the only one who has officially came out. Writers are far less prominent in TV or newspapers than musicians and actors, and it’s not like Japan hadn’t known a plethora of renowned gay writers in its recent history. For his friends though, it’s a complicated matter. Especially for the girls. They have no example of a popular bisexual female figure. Maria embraces her large gay following though, to the point she headlined the Tokyo Pride Parade several years in a row. Saki is supposed to appeal to families, young kids. She can’t break her conservative image this easily.

“Damn, can Ryou stop messaging me on Instagram… He’s annoying....”

Back in the living room, Satoru is as usual the center of the conversation. Chatty, loud and flamboyant, the group would never look the same without him. For one year, he dated Reiko, a lovely idol, but now, she has a wedding set up by her parents and it was hard for him to get her out of his thoughts. “Who’s Ryou ?” asked Mamoru, who rarely keeps up with his friends’ sex stories.

“Oh, some newcomer I shagged while we were shooting that Kurosawa movie in France. He’s cute, but hell, he’s got to accept I’m not his fucking soulmate…”

“Block him. That’s how I cope with dirty old men.”

Satoru empties his shot glass as Maria shares her advice. Saki gears up to pour him some whiskey. He’s a heavy drinker, it’s nothing shocking.

“I hope he’s not some psycho then…Imagine if he posts some screenshots from our convo !”

“Don’t be silly mate. If he posts any screenshots, he’s outing himself.” Saki has this way of addressing men like she’s one of them. She’s kind of tomboyish, which is hard to imagine based on her public persona. The man in blue suit scoffs proudly.

“Nah, I won’t let that happen. If he does, I’m hacking his account!”

They can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic or not, that’s the whole focus of his humor.

Maria jumps into the conversation: “Speaking of hacking, do you guys have any ideas for a new password ?”

“What kind of password?”

“For Twitter, someone tried to log into my account on Wednesday. Think it’s someone from my staff.”

“Why would they do that?”

“Oh, they’re still up there, thinking they can monitor my whole existence… Seeking proofs of an eventual boyfriend… See, this kind of issue.”

The red-haired lady grabbed a fag from the pocket of her leather jeans. In Saki’s mind, that move was the epitome of sex.

“Well, if you need a password, take Marlboro1224”, suggests Shun in between two sips.

“Nah, too easy. Everyone around knows that’s my brand and my birthday.”

Satoru’s ready for a terrible joke: “ShunIsAnAsshole666!”

“Oh, come on! Grow up," growls his ex-boyfriend, already fed up by his slight drunkenness. Satoru shakes his leg tirelessly, he glances at the clock at the wall, like hypnotized. They know that behavior too well.

“MariaFakeRedhead1”

She blasts off: “Fuck off Satoru! My hair is real!”

After a short moment of reflection, he grins. That’s his greatest joke yet, in his eyes: “SakiPleaseMarryMe2k20”

Maria’s glance is icy. She could turn him into a stalactite if she had the abilities. Saki, on the other side of the room, quite doesn’t get what’s going on.

“You’re getting too far Satoru," whispers Shun, who picks up a cigarette and joins Maria.

“I’m just stating the truth.”

“Heh ?”

Saki doesn’t even know if she and Maria are even dating anymore. What the hell did she tell to Satoru? Meanwhile, Mamoru checks the air in the room. Yep, it’s getting tense. He despises tensions, he always feels like a plastic bag carried on by the wind, awaiting to end up on a trash bin. Plus his fingers are getting numb. He needs something to get back on track.

“I’m coming back in a second.”

He runs to the bathroom. It’s not like he can take it anymore. Ah…He plunges the key of his apartment into a little zipped pouch he took from his back pocket and sniffs. Hm... Finally. Sadly, once he’s done, he’s not leaving the restroom this easily. Maria is waiting outside. She’s annoyed, her beautiful eyebrows frown and she bites nervously her lips.

“Mamo-chan, what’s that crap under your nose?”

His face turns red. He’s done...

“Don’t tell me you’re doing coke!”

Well, no matter the answer, she won’t believe him… Truth hurts. She’s mad, he’s never seen her this mad before. Everyone in the main room heard her.

“Are you kidding Mamo?”

“Satoru, he has no advice to take from a full-blown alcoholic.” retorts Shun.

His ex shuts him down by plastering a hand on his mouth. “I’m NOT an alcoholic !”

Maria can finally tell her opinion on the matter, which she kept for herself until then: “Dude, come on! You always carry a spirit miniature around, and the first shit you always do whenever you get in a new country is… Buying new liquors!”

He finally frees Shun, and makes up new excuses: “That’s not alcoholism. I just enjoy life’s simplest pleasures…”

“We always meet you when you’re drunk.” Saki doesn’t like beating a man while he’s on the ground, but for fuck’s sake, Satoru is so up in his delusion that he can’t even realize how sick he truly is. He needs a big fucking wake-up-call.

“So, I drink, okay, that’s right. But isn’t coke worse?”

“It’s not a matter of who is the worst here, Sat-chan.”

Ugh, Shun brought back the hideous nickname from the days they were together. He’s gonna punch him, he swears. Thankfully, the girls are there to stop him, while Mamoru, like the big baby he is, whines and begs everyone to end the quarrel.

As no one listens to him, he finally discloses his big truth: “You guys are a big bunch of hypocrites! Maria, as far as I know, MDMA and speed are drugs too, right ?”

“Where did you get that crap from, 2channel?” yells Shun.

The redhead, twisting a strand of her luscious hair around her finger, agrees nonchalantly: “He’s right. We took MDMA for the first time together. I’ve never wanted to try out coke though… I don’t wanna die.”

“Nice. So everyone around is a junkie, that’s what it is?”

Shun groans. He isn’t exactly a junkie, but hopping around Akihabara every night, looking for a fresh new male body to make love with, is an accurate sign of sex addiction. As for Saki, her coping mechanism is Rivotril and Xanax. Prescription drugs. Regarded as medication, not as a means to numb yourself out and not ask herself questions on whether her new album is marketable enough or if Maria really is her girlfriend or thinking about how traumatic her experience of growing up under TV cameras is. She is estranged from her parents at this point. It’s a classmate of her private school who told her about periods. She constantly had to monitor her weight, resulting in counting down the calorie intake of every single scrap of food she eats. Her contract ends in one year. She won’t renew. She’ll probably establish her own one-person company, she has even money to do so, she’ll buy her own flat and put on a new studio. And retire. The spark is gone. She gets on the studio, writes radio-friendly tunes about love and breakups, promotes it on music shows, appears on year-end specials, become number one of the Oricon charts, donates to charities she has never heard of and occasionally models for women’s magazines. That’s her routine, which repeats itself every two years. It must end before it ends her.

Saki gets into the kitchen and picks up a scissor. She’s not planning to end her life. Maria followed her.

“Don’t do that," she begs her.

“I’m not killing myself.”

“What the fuck are you trying to do, then?”

“Britney.”

Her friend doesn’t get the pop culture reference. Well, it’s time for an explanation.

“Sorry?”

“I’m cutting my hair super short. Complete twist of image. It’s likely my last album, I gotta end it with a blast !”

“Your last album?”

Maria sits on the counter after taking the scissors away from the brunette. This conversation should have been done years ago. It’s time, now more than ever. Their group of friends, or more like their family circle, is falling apart. If they can save at least their relationship, this eve isn’t going to be a complete disaster.

“Music isn’t my thing anymore.”, Saki admits.

“Then what’s your thing, baby?”

“I don’t know. I just want to live a normal existence.”

“We don’t know what it is, Saki. You can’t do that.”

“Huh. Why not ?”

“We’ve been manufactured for fame. We don’t know how to shop our groceries, we don’t know how to pay our bills, we don’t know how to take appointments. Everyone has always been doing it for us. We can’t make a single decision on our own. We’re puppets.”

“I don’t want to be a puppet, sweetie. I don’t want to be your puppet either.” The redhead’s enraged expression is frightening to say the least. It’s not in her nature to get mad at anyone. Such words, though, rightfully flame her rage.

“What the hell are you saying…”

“Tell me. What am I to you?”

Maria feels empty. She never thought about it. Her relationship with Saki is like, engraved in stone. She can’t picture herself dating anyone else. Still, they don’t behave like a traditional couple. With the media pressure, they can’t go out on dates. They don’t see each other at home either. They haven’t had a sleepover together for one year at least. She misses the scent of her neck. She misses her giggle after she cracked a joke. She misses the softness of her skin, she misses stroking her hair, she misses her selfless personality, she misses her openness, she misses borrowing each other’s clothes, she misses giving her dramatic makeup looks that look completely campy on her, she misses her clumsy kisses. They were together and so diametrically apart at the same time.

“I don’t know. I want you back.”

Saki herself can't picture what she wants. She’s just so numb and exhausted.

“I see.”

“That’s all you have to say?” The brunette sighs. A heavy silence now surrounds the kitchen.

“I can’t think of anything else.”, she shrugs.

“Saki. I’m not kidding.”

She hasn’t really come on terms with her fear of intimacy, ultimately brushing off the subject: “You won’t stop me from retiring and cutting my hair.”

Maria kisses her forehead.

“Cut your hair baby. But think about your career twice.”

“I’m not your baby.”, she grins.

“Then, what am I?”

“I don’t know exactly...”

“Nice.” pouts the redhead.

“Help me, then.” Saki points her scissors in her direction. Maria grabs them and stands up behind her. She’s never cut anyone’s hair before, but well. Saki’s hair, below her shoulders, has been styled in the same way for half a decade. She needs change. The strands fall on the floor one by one. The results are, as expected, terrific.

**

The guys are back in the living room. They hid the bottles so Satoru can have a normal conversation without hissing at anyone. Mamoru talks non-stop, of course. He’s only this talkative when he’s high.

“I promise I will change ! I swear I will!”

“Then go see a doctor, for fuck’s sake!” screams Satoru, grumpy as ever, curled up inside the couch.

“Hey, guys, there’s no reason to get mad here.”

The brunette doesn’t care. “Shut up, manwhore!”

A confused Mamoru nods in approval: “Yeah, exactly!”

“I’m not a manwhore”, dismisses their target.

“Come on, every gay man in Tokyo took a ride on your disco stick!”

Satoru’s language is as usual so profane. How can this guy be so popular among women when he’s actually this rude… His acting skills are no joke, admits the writer. Moreover, they’re wrong. He’s far from being the only sex-addict in this town. And fuck’s sake, it’s coming from his ex-boyfriend who profusely cheated on him while they were together. How the tables have turned...

“I am a man who needs love, that’s my only problem, but well, Satoru, you don’t know how to give love.”

The blonde is getting ready for one of his legendary clap-backs. Shun isn’t interested in hearing any of them, though.

“You’re not ready for this discussion anyway. I’m joining the girls, bye.”

**

He gets into the kitchen. What the hell are they doing, cutting Saki’s hair? Okay, that night is definitely a special one. This bob… Is terrible. Nineties throwback. Dear lord. He’s giggling like an idiot.

“Saki, what the hell is that?” “That’s my own little Britney Breakdown.”

“Can’t wait to see ya on stage with cheap black wigs then…”

Saki is laughing so hard, Shun is a true mastermind.

“Honestly, it doesn’t sound like that bad of a gimmick!”

“ Wait, I had no idea you loved Britney Spears!” wonders Maria, still caught in cleaning up their mess.

“She’s a gay legend and so do I, of course I know her…”

He picks a glass from the cupboard, and pours himself fresh tap water, then wonders: “Your manager will get super mad, isn’t he…”

“Anyways, if he disagrees, I’m firing him. It’s my very last album under this label, I’ll make things as I want it to be for once.”

“Good for you. You’ve got the skills to do much better. Not that your current music sucks, but…”

She interrupts him : “Nah, you can say it sucks.”

Maria is done with her masterpiece. She hasn’t been so proud of anything she has made herself since the first time she choreographed one of her music videos herself. Four years ago already. That vid did not get the critical response she hoped it deserves, sadly.

“What d’you think of my stuff, Shun?”

“Well, I’m gay. Of course I love myself a dance-pop diva!”

He's being ironic. He hates being labeled and put in a box. Truthfully, the only female pop singer he has ever fancied was Sheena Ringo, and her music is anything like radio-friendly.

“Honestly speaking, it feels like they’re trying so hard to make a new Namie out of you.”

“They do. That’s their plan since the show started. Now they did it, congratulations.”

“But you, Maria, what do you want?” She didn't think any further.

“Me? I want to be the next Madonna. They don’t take me seriously, but I really want to. The kids already copy my style, now I want them to become satanist degenerates !” Her sarcasm is dripping everywhere. God, she’s so ready for her own little revolution, the thing is, she has always been much more law-abiding than Saki. Her biggest fear in life is harming people with her actions.

“You guys should team up. Ringo did it with Hikki.”

“Boo, they did it twenty years past their prime,” comments Saki. “Britney and Madonna did it too.”

The girlfriend chuckle almost at the same time. Maria's tone doesn't show any change : “Nah, they just made out at some award show for clout, that’s not the same.”

“Let’s make that at the Kouhaku baby. We’ll perform our duet and kiss at the end.”

Maria embraces her girlfriend with her arms and plants a kiss on her cheek. Before she can go any further, a playful Saki stops her, two fingers on her lips, so she can finally end her delusions.

“Girl, you really want to ruin your career!”

“Weren’t you the one calling it quits a few minutes ago?” teases Maria, not knowing yet that the brunette had a radical change of mind throughout their conversation.

“We can pull off the coolest publicity stunt ever tonight."

She holds her hand with the most confident smile. Eyes in eyes, hand in hand, in a state of complete fusion.

“Come over, Mari.”

She hands her phone to Shun, who has no idea of what to do.

"We'll kiss and you're going to take a picture. Right?" The voice of reason strikes again. Shun has always been the father figure of their group, despite not being the eldest.

"Saki, it's crazy."

Maria was incredibly enthusiastic.

"I love it, baby. Who cares! Let's do it!"

She grabs her girlfriend's chin in between two fingers. As their lips meet, their friend clicks on the button.

"Now what are you gonna do?"

"That's what Instagram stories are made for, Shun…" winks the redhead.

**

In the living room, Mamoru and Satoru haven’t made a single move in ten minutes. The visual artist had a short rush, where he told every single detail of his private life to his drunk mate. Both are now sleepy, groggy, on the verge of comatose.

“Dude, I’m sorry for latching out on ya later…” muttered Satoru, in between two yawns. The blonde nods. He accepts the apology. He needs to sober up. They all need to sober up.

Then, Saki and Maria walk in, holding each other, while Shun follows them with a phone.

“Guys, we should make a group picture,” proposes Maria.

“We haven’t done that in years!”

They got closer, gathered close to the couch. The two girls in the middle won’t let go of each other. Shun and Satoru haven’t had a closer physical contact since their breakup. It feels strange, of course, there’s a longing nostalgic feeling that remains and never quite goes away. At the last minute, while Shun presses the button, Saki and Maria share a passionate kiss. It will be posted online. They’re not afraid anymore. The closet is scary. The closet will smother them. Hating themselves, not being able to express themselves freely, that’s what is killing them all. Tonight, by supporting that public move, they’re at least trying to reclaim their individuality. As Maria posted the picture, her girlfriend did not let her out. Her decision is taken and there is no going back, at this point.

“Aaaaaand… It’s online!” winks the redhead. “I tagged all of you!”

Everyone around the table raise their glass of champagne. Oh, to be finally free.

“Y’know guys, I’d rather be called a poof than stay in my closet any longer,” explains Satoru, who has visibly sobered up. "I thought about it tonight, I spoke about it with Mamo while you were in the kitchen, and… Well, it’s probably why I drink so much, all the time. The shame, you know, and that fear that everyone’s gonna find out…”

His ex-boyfriend pats his shoulder: “Mate, you got us no matter what. I’m fucking proud of you.”

“We should stop hurting ourselves. It’s useless. We all got each other’s backs if we need it, right?” Saki smiles dreamily. Maria is a sunshine, the real sunshine of her life. Nothing makes her happier than her presence. If her career went on ending tomorrow, she would still feel fulfilled because Maria is now by her side. Plus, she’s got a plan to make their relationship even stronger...

“Mari, I’ve got something to ask ya…”.

She pouts, knowing the effect it usually has on her partner.

“Let’s get fucking engaged, baby.”

Her girlfriend’s smile could light up the darkest cavern.

“Oh, god, I can’t believe you’re the one proposing to me!”

There’s no such thing as too many kisses.


End file.
